All The Books I Can Read

1 girl….2 many books!

Insatiable – Meg Cabot

This is the first Meg Cabot book I’ve ever read and I read it based on the strength of a very good review for it at a book review blog. So I reserved it immediately at my local library as although I quite like a lot of vampire novels, the craze is almost out of control and I thought a tongue-in-cheek look at the phenomenon would be funny. The blurb sounded good, the quote on the back (which I mentioned before, in my Library post) had me laughing.

Pity it would be pretty much the only time I actually laughed.

This book was all shades of disappointing. For a start, it took forever for the main character Meena to even meet the love interest that turns out to be a vampire, the Prince of Darkness, Lucien Antonescu. In fact the only reason I think that I even finished this book is because my fiance’s daughter was here on the weekend and subjected me to what felt like a 123hr marathon of The Hills and The City and this book was only marginally a better alternative. It’s page 70 before Lucien and Meena actually cross paths but for some reason, it feels more like page 700. Maybe because absolutely nothing happens in the 69 pages leading up to that. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Meena Harper is a not-so-ordinary girl living in NYC working as a writer on a television show named Insatiable. They’re getting killed in the ratings by fellow soapie Lust who have introduced a vampire character to their line up as you can’t get enough of vampires these days. The powers that be at Insatiable have decided to do the same thing, much to Meena’s chagrin. They’ve also promoted the intolerable Shoshanna, neice of the executive producer’s and co-creators of the show. Meena has a huge disdain for the vampire trend and voices it to no avail. Insatiable are going vampire and there’s nothing she can do about it.

Meena has an unusal talent of knowing when everyone she comes into contact with is going to die and how. This led to her being nicknamed the You’re Gonna Die Girl in high school as she sought to warn people of their grisly endings and possibly, trying to avoid them. So of course when she meets Lucien she can’t tell at all when he’s doing to die, because, you know he’s already dead. Except she doesn’t know this yet.

The Prince of Darkness is in town to investigate the dead bodies of several young females that have been bitten and drained of all their blood. Lucien may be a vampire, but he’s civilised! No killing while he’s the Prince, or the vamps in question face his wrath. Drinking from blood banks and willing donors only! Someone has been killing so he’s flown in to see who has been brave enough to disobey him.

Usually I love a dark and brooding hero (vampire or no vampire, I’m not picky) but to be honest, I couldn’t care two hoots about Lucien, probably because I wasn’t given the chance to. Oh, he’s a tortured vampire, turned against his will and has had several tragedies in his lifetime. Yawn, haven’t we all? Except for the whole being unwilling vampires bit. But I just didn’t feel invested in him at all. Normally I’m not bothered when heroines jump into bed with the hero in like, 2.3 seconds but this time I was actually pretty skeeved out by it. Thankfully we’re spared the details in a fade-to-black type manouvre.

Adding to the confusion/storyline is Alaric Wulf. He’s a sort of vampire slayer. Without being as funny as Buffy or as scary as the lessers in the Black Dagger Brotherhood books. He’s tortured too and has never been loved in his life. Of course when he meets Meena (trying to extort from her where the PoD is) he’s immediately taken with her elfishness. Her resemblance to Joan of Arc, except cuter. And cue: Love Triangle.

Sooo we have Lucien, PoD hunting rogue killing vampires. We have Alaric (who works for the Pope, btw and they know all about vampires and stuff existing) hunting the PoD and every other vamp he finds along the way. We have Meena trying to stop Alaric hunting the PoD coz it’ll get several persons killed, which she has seen with her visions. And also, she loves Lucien and she doesn’t want him dead. Well, even more dead than he is, anyway. Even though she’s only known him about 3 minutes, and he bit her without her even knowing about it. That’s just rude! Bad vampire etiquette Lucien, you should know better especially as you’re the Prince. You had permission to bite her (during the sexing it up as it occurred before she knew that Lucien was of the undead lover variety) but not to drink her blood. I think a distinction needs to be made here. Being a willing recipient of a love bite does not mean here, feed on me!

Also, when Meena finds out that Lucien is a vampire, she takes it extremely well. Well she gets a bit dizzy and queasy but it’s nothing a soda doesn’t fix. Coke ya’all, it’s the cure for finding out that your soul mate is a creature you thought only existed in books and on tv. And also, the lovely upstairs neighbours that pretty much introduced her to Lucien? They’re vamps too, and she’s also cool about this. I don’t know about anyone else but I’m pretty sure I’d be freaking my shit out if that ever happened to me and I’d probably revert to a catatonic mess. Hence, I am clearly no good to be a Gamine Heroine in a vampire novel. Meena it seems, is very qualified as she comes good and decides What She Must Do.

Fast forward a bit, there’s a vampire war and some stuff happens and some vampires die and then some more vampires die and then random people turn out to be vampires and it’s kind of like what the? and there’s a few fires and a dragon and then it’s kinda the end of the book. Meena chooses now to freak out and take to the convent in a windowless room to avoid seeing Lucien, except then she goes back to her apartment and there he is anyway. So that was a waste of time. He asks her to be his vampire bride (I’m sorry, I cannot type that phrase without thinking of Franklin in True Blood S3. I do not care much for AB’s interpretation a lot of the time, but the guy who plays Franklin with such abandoned insanity is made of win) and go live in like, Thailand or somewhere. Although I think a nation so near the equator would be a bad choice, but that’s just me.

Without giving away the ending, there kind of isn’t one, which I do not like. I don’t know if this is supposed to be a series, if we’re supposed to see Alaric, Lucien and Meena do this all again sometime in the future (and if it starts to go by way of the Anita Blake books, I’m backing the heck away right now) but I don’t care enough to google it.

Lucien = much < Eric Northman but perhaps > Edward Cullen and Bill Compton.

Meena = much < Sookie Stackhouse but perhaps > Bella Swan

I am much < satisfied and perhaps > disappointed.

3/10

(Book #48 of my 50 Book Challenge)

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